My Little Flower

Little flower beside a tree,
Who knows how big you will grow to be,
To life you have grown from a seed,
How beautiful and lovely you have grown to be.
Little flower beside a tree,
You are so very special to me,
In my heart you will always be,
Because you dwell inside of me.

Sameera

In November I began sponsoring a child in India. I read her family lives off $64 dollars a month. They sleep on cement floors use communal bathrooms, and cannot afford to feed little Sameera. I have her photo she is an adorable little girl age 7. I was inspired by a friend that there is more I could be doing to make a difference. So I decided to sponsor a child. Children"s International even sends me photos and allows me to write her and send her gifts for holidays. I like this it gives me a gratifying feeling. Knowing me just one man is making a difference for a young child a world away.

This New Year I also intend to become a CPR/First Aid instructor for the Red Cross. To go beyond just giving money and give something of myself. I think the world would be a better place if all people did these sort of things. I very person who could afford it gave money to help others I am convinced much of the suffering people experience could be alleviated. Unfortunately many people are selfish and greedy and this works against the common good.

I find only misery is selfishness. Thinking outside of myself I find purpose, meaning, and peace. Ruminating over my own problems brings feelings of sadness and depression. I read before about the Buddhist religion. Much of there teachings surround denying yourself. By denying yourself you are creating room for only others to fill your life. I am not Buddhist but I like this idea and strive to be this way.

My understanding is in this life and the next people are defined by what they do. It is what we are judged by and is determination of good. I strive to do good for others I like the feeling I can help. I also find this meaningful.

Monjoe

        On friday I went to work. I am working in a career center at goodwill industries. basically a computer lab that provides assistance to job seekers. the career center provides assistance to people applying for jobs on the internet and searching for jobs. on friday a few new people came in.
         Alex Kendrick an actor who acts in and produces christian movies like courageous and facing the giants came in with an indian man. i greeted them as they entered and didn't recognize the actor. i was trying to assist the indian man in activating his prepaid cell phone. i got to talking to him and found out he had only been in the usa for like a month. he had saved money for years to come to the usa. somebody broke in his apartment and stole his laptop, savings, and identification. i felt bad talk about bad luck in the usa just a month and robbed. what does an immigrant do in this situation?
       This man went to sherwood baptist church who makes these christian movies. they paid his rent, paid to file for new identification,  bought him a prepaid cell phone, a hindi bible, and even where helping him find a job. i was encouraged that people do things like this. i am not a christian but admire sherwood baptist church for doing this sort of thing.
     This indian man was going on about how great the usa is. even though he got robbed he thought he had a movie star helping him. He said the usa is so much better than india. makes me more grateful for what i have and encouraged that their are good caring people.
   i felt bad though this indian man was unable to activate his cell phone because the activation code was on the receipt and alex had left with it. the indian man called alex and asked me,"What should i do?" i told him," i don't know you can wait here." he waited about thirty minutes and told me he was leaving to walk to the church. i said, are you sure you want to do that it's hot out and like a 5 mile walk. he said,"no not far i walked 20 miles in a day before." i said,"Okay it was nice to meet you Monjou." then he left.
   I spoke with the receptionist who said she received a weird phone call about 5 minutes before Monjou left. A man asked for Manjou and said he had the activation code for him. the receptionist had not met Manjou and said he wasn't there.
   I thought poor guy. Really bad luck he probably got to the church all sweaty and Alex told him he called him. I was encouraged by this though it gives me hope. i think things are bad for me sometimes. All this happens to Manjou and he still says he loves america. I think i have much to be grateful for.

The Epiphany

      In hope of bringing about a relief for pain. Kyle Brown chose to study medicine. He had a personal quest to alleviate the suffering of others. Kyle was very inquisitive seeking wisdom by any means. Kyle lived alone and had a dog his life lacked love but was full of compassion. His father died a slow agonizing death so Kyle wanted to help the sick. Not sick in the body but rather sickness of the mind. Kyle was studying psychiatry and psychology seeking to understand the most complex field of medicine the human mind. Kyle was also unusual he had abilities he had to hide. Otherworldly abilities no one would understand so he told no one. This caused Kyle to feel very lonely he feared being judged, condemned , or determined insane if this came to light. In truth Kyle was not just seeking the ability to help just a patient but also the ability to help himself.
    Kyle was attending the prestigious John Hopkins School of Medicine. His grades in school where always good. The simple was difficult a car or construction made no sense. The human body and more complex subjects where easily learned. Kyle would soon encounter a person who would change his life for the better. A soothing relief to the heartache he often felt. This person was very special one of a kind. This person did not know this and Kyle had not yet met this person. The meeting is rare the circumstances miraculous and the conclusion epic. At least in my opinion although unbelievable keep in miracles happen and anything is possible.
    Kyle's journey began 2 years ago as a college student studying abroad. His trip was to Nepal studying psychology within the eastern asian context pertaining to Buddhism. Although not Buddhist he spent a month at a monastery studying behavior he intended to use for is senior research paper. He studied behavior within a monastery with monks who had taken a vowel of silence. Although silent their behavior patterns where monitored as well as body language and expression. Nothing significant was noticed merely that in spite of the lack of interaction they did not exhibit symptoms of depression.Something significant however did happen. The beginning of something big. The beginning of supernatural abilities was noticed taking place during an epiphony sitting in silence. Sitting alone is his room he realized their is a God and he could tell what others where thinking.
    Alone in silence Kyle realized some things in this life are worthwhile and worth fighting for. Out of the depths Kyle realized although silent much can be obtained in spite of silence. A meaningful emotion, a meaningful feeling even in silence is just as meaningful. Everything good comes from within we are spiritual beings and are not in control.. Words in themselves are meaningless people are defined by what they do. This occurred to Kyle in a moment a flood of thoughts simultaneously filling his mind also known as an epiphany.

            Before long Kyle returned to college and completed his senior year although his senior paper was not as good as he would have liked it was quite sufficient to complete the assignment. He had already taken the MCAT and done well. Kyle was given early admission to John Hopkins School of Medicine and that brought Kyle to be a medical student with a BS in Psychology.

            Kyle was studying the mind pursuing a Medical Doctor in Neurology and Psychiatry and a Philosophy Doctor in Neuropsychology. If completed Kyle would be a highly specialized doctor with a good career and the ability to make a very lucrative income. In Kyle's case though it was not the just money but the quest to understand and the ability to help that mattered.

            Kyle had witnessed his whole life people want money and then more money. Many think money brings satisfaction and happiness. Kyle could see the flaws in that mindset. It must suck to be poor and struggle for what you need to survive but wealth hardly makes a person happy. Whether living in a 100,000 dollar house or a 1,000,000 dollar house really makes no difference in how a person feels.

            Attending Medical School Kyle saw his fair share of death. Life is fragile and all people succumb to death. Kyle realized he needed to make the most of the moment because he may never have another chance. Kyle interacted a great deal with a brilliant doctor. A female doctor from a different culture named Dr. Emy Hashim an Arab doctor from Qatar. Kyle was impressed with her knowledge and surprised they were nearly same age. Kyle was a 26 year old medical student and Emy was 25 years old. Emy was impressive only 25 and a notable Neuro Psychiatrist. Kyle was impressed with her insight and attributed it much to her culture.   

            Kyle felt affection although he did not know her he wanted to ask her on a date. He could not though because she was Muslim and dating was forbidden. He was not told but rather just knew. Emy was a complicated person and Kyle could not read her. He was at a loss did not know what to do. He liked Emy but knew he would never have a chance to get to know her. How could this change and what could he do? He never felt true affection for another and never met another to whom he thought he could. Kyle had dated and had a few girlfriends but it never felt right and never went beyond a casual friendship. Kyle lacked friends and was misunderstood. He knew and was around many people. His peers liked him and he was on good terms with them but they did not really know him and he hid much from them. Kyle wondered if this could ever be different and was seeking something he thought may be impossible to find. At the same time though is anything impossible? Kyle did not think so and neither do I. Anything is possible and if we believe it we can make it so.

            Kyle thought it not impossible but rather a problem he needed to solve. He could be wrong and maybe the situation is impossible, but what is to be lost by trying? The real failure, the real defeat would come in accepting impossibility. Lacking faith and hope would be much more tragic than accepting failure.

            One day while getting a cup of coffee in the break room in the morning Kyle and Emy met. Kyle picked up the coffee pot and was pouring coffee in a Styrofoam cup. Emy walked up behind him and said, ”Good morning Kyle can I please have some coffee?” Kyle was shocked that she knew his name and he turned around. As he turned around they made eye contact and up close Emy had eyes of more than one color. Her eyes radiated kindness and she smiled. Kyle’s heart began to rapidly beat as he poured her coffee. Even though she wore a hijab what he could see of her face and eyes was a thing of true beauty. Emy said, ”Thank you Kyle have a great day.” Kyle did not say a word and was nearly shaking. He had never felt such a way around a person before ever. As if being struck by a bolt of lightning, Kyle was love struck although he did not know Emy and could not read her he had an impression.

            Kyle had an instinct and had found something for which he would always dream. If a way to know Emy existed he would find it. If he had to spend his entire life waiting he would. Some things are worth waiting for and love is one of them. Awestruck at that moment experiencing a feeling of which he never felt before. Kyle did not know what to do. In a way he hoped he didn’t get to know Emy because she would seem less perfect in his mind. The feeling of love and attraction that something is precious that could make life more fulfilling was the second biggest epiphany Kyle would ever experience. There is a God and love can give a life a meaning this being the only two reasons Kyle could find to truly have hope and want to live.
         The next day Kyle went about his duties as a Medical Student at the hospital. He had Emy in the back of his mind. He did not see her but she was with him. Someway, somehow he could feel her presence perhaps she was not a person at all but instead an angel.  The day was rough a few patients died an emergency occurred and many died as a result. To Kyle the hardest part was not the patients death but the response of their families and loved ones. The pain of knowing they are gone and they will never be seen again as long as they are alive. A terrible feeling Kyle knew all to well. In the patient the fear of the unknown before death and in the family the knowing of the loss they have suffered.
        Kyle's journey is just beginning but it must be kept in mind that every ending is a new beginning. Kyle is still young and has much life ahead of him god willing. He has a lifetime to find a way to be with Emy or even just know her and be better for it. The miracle that Kyle had experienced although unusual is a moment when it occurred to him what it must feel like to be in love and in a sense this gave his life more meaning.
        The change was like being shocked with a bolt of lightning like a feeling you would give anything to experience again. Kyle would spend is entire life searching for the perfect someone and even if he never found her his life would have been better for believing this possible. Love can in itself be a miracle and change a person forever. Kyle recognized this and believed this person to be Emy although personally he did not yet know her. This gave Kyle what he had always wanted the ability to prove no matter the odds, no matter what is against you anything is possible. If God could create the universe and everything in it in 6 days. Why could Kyle a mere mortal not find love in the days he has on Earth? As far as I and Kyle know every religion encourages love nobody believes this a bad thing.
        How far does love go? Can it be separated by life or death with in a mortal life? The questions have an answer to which Kyle does not know but he likes to believe once attained love is in a sense perfection and can never be destroyed or vanquished. Love will conquer all and is eternal. Kyle however is an idealist and so am I. At the same time though this scared Kyle very much because as he felt an incredible emotion he also felt much more vulnerable as if what would he do if it where attained and then taken away. Kyle realized we must never give into fear or nothing will ever change. He thought of when he read,"Do something every day that scares you." A quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. Failure although a bad feeling is better than never really taking a shot because you are scared. So Kyle came to the conclusion that realizing all of this he felt even more alone and very much in need. He also realized what he had been missing.
            Kyle thought these things as he headed home after spending his day at the hospital and seeing all those deaths. In the medical profession always seeing death you learn to appreciate the moment more. Kyle hoped from within his heart and his soul he would see Emy tomorrow and could find the courage to speak to her.

to be continued . . . . . . .

Edward

      I once encountered a very interesting man. He was a very country Tennessean. He was about 62 years old was grey haired with a grey beard. He had some very strange ideas and beliefs. He was convinced every US president since Richard Nixon had attempted to kill him and possibly some presidents before that. He told me Ronald Reagon had shot him in the back of the head with a laser gun and God raised him from the dead. He thought Bill Clinton  had launched an intercontinental ballistic missile at his house and missed. I found these accusations interesting but unlikely. He was not lying though because he obviously really believed it. Edward had went as far as to tell me when he was in his twenties he turned his television upside down thinking a women's skirt would fall down and he could see her naked. I found that thought disturbing but a little funny.
      Edward had some very strange ideas but had a very good heart. He cared for others in spite of his disturbances. I am proud to say he was my friend. He had an interesting habit of chewing tobacco and smoking tobacco out of a pipe at the same time. I imagine he got quite a nicotine fix. He also ate peanut butter and syrup with crackers every night and got quite a sugar fix. Edward always ate a lot of high sugar foods even though he was an insulin dependent diabetic. I wondered how he stayed alive with habits like those.
      Edward had interesting religious views. He was some sort of christian I am not sure what type of church. He believed God was involved with his everyday life to the extent of healing his cigarette making machine. Edward believed he was destined to be a prophet. He believed upon death he would be resurrected and run so fast he would cross the ocean by running. The world would be coming to an end and he would be an end time prophet within the tribulation period discussed in the christian bible. I thought his ideas grandiose and a little outrageous but also very fascinating. He believed their would be one more prophet who for some reason he believed lived in England. Edward thought he and the other prophet would be preaching God's word from the wailing wall in Jerusalem and blow fire on any person that tried to stop him. I thought he went to far was almost shocked by his words. At the same time I envied his faith believing in something so strongly. I often question things to much and lack faith. Anyway I must say Edward was probably the most interesting person I ever met based on how unusual he was.
      Edwards life however came to a tragic end only months after I had met him. Edward  had very unhealthy habits and mental disturbances requiring daily medical treatment. He lived in a facility that provided constant supervision and required he take his medication. He decided that God had healed him and refused to continue taking his medicine. The rules of the facility required he take medicine or be evicted. Evicted meaning sent to higher level of treatment most likely a mental institution or asylum where he could be forced to take medicine in order to stabilize his condition. Edward though honestly believed nothing was wrong. He was very sick mentally and had been that way most of his life. I felt very sad for him I imagine he had very low quality of life because of a mental disturbance he could not help. After several weeks he was committed in other the police forced him to go to a mental institution for treatment in his own best interest.
     I did not see him for a month after that since he was at an institution. When he arrived at his home he seemed better. His doctors had regulated his medication. He still had strange ideas and beliefs but was calmer and in a better mood. He was discouraged with his situation and a little depressed. I felt bad for him and tried to encourage him. He was in this state for several weeks.
   A few weeks later he I was talking to him and he told me he thought the doctor was trying to kill him with his medication. I thought he was being paranoid and tried to encourage him. He said he felt tired and was going to bed. I later found out after he never got out of bed. I was notified he had a heart attack and died.
I was sad for a long while about that because my dad had died not that long before him and his death triggered bad emotions. Also in addition to his tragic death he had a tragic life. He had never had the opportunity to live as others because of his sickness. He was usually smiling and joking though that was his nature. I will remember him like that and hope to see him again after I die.
   Anyone reading would probably be interested to know this is all true not exaggerated it all. Edward was a real guy. God bless you Edward I hope you rest in peace. I miss you friend.
     

David

       Their once was a man named David. David was a brilliant man but misunderstood. He was a worldly man and traveled all over the world growing up. He saw many things most people never see, good things and also very bad. David was 27 years old but felt much older. He could see beyond what others could see because he had a broader perspective. David never fit in with his peers his intelligence left him finding most people insipid. He searched the world for meaning and purpose but could find none to speak of. At times he could see things other people could not. His strong sense of intuition left him realizing things about people most people would never notice. Some people thought he was a genius while others thought he was insane. For David what was difficult for most people was easy and what seemed simple he found difficult. He had a quite odd predicament. He lived in a world where he was not the same as others in his society but was expected to be. David felt very lonely not because he was without friends and family but because he knew nobody who was like him. Although other people thought of him as a friend he felt he had none.
David lived in a world where he was never without what he needed and did not desire more. He found simple tasks boring and looked for what was challenging to stimulate his mind. At heart he was an artist and loved beauty. David wanted to create beauty and share it with the world. He did not know how to create what he envisioned because it did not fit within the reality of the physical world he lived in and this often left him feeling sad. He had abilities others could not understand. He could feel the pain of others and wanted to provide some relief. His senses allowed him to transverse the physical world and tap into the spiritual. The power that held together the universe he could sense and feel. He could not let anybody know because if he did he risked institutionalization. He was forced to take medication to cure what he was told was a chronic malody within his mind. Schizophrenia and a Major Depressive Disorder was what he was told. He had taken medication for so long he did not know how he would be without it. He had a gift, he had much to offer the world but did not realize it.One day David had an experience that would change his life forever.
      One day a day no different than any other he took his medication as he was accustomed and went bed at 10:00PM. He brushed his teeth and lain down. He wore a mask to help him breath properly while he slept. He laid down and slowly drifted off to sleep.David found himself at the beach overlooking a cliff above the ocean. The sun was rising and he felt warm. He could feel the course sand on his feet. He looked down but could not see his feet. He came to realize he could not see himself at all. David could feel himself no different than any other time but could not see himself or any other living being. Suddenly David heard a voice loud and firm say,"David." David wondered who was speaking the voice sounded familiar but no person was visible. He heard the voice again and realized it was his father's but how could this be, his father had died a long time ago. The voice said," David I need to talk to you." David said,"How father you are dead and I cannot see you how is this possible?" David's father replied,"It is not, David you must realize what you see may not be real but what you don't see may be." David said,"Father what is going on, I must be dreaming." David's father replied,"Yes you are but dreams also have meaning and I have a message for you." David replied,"What message is that?" David's father said,"I can not tell you, you must see it and you will understand, but trust your feelings not your senses and son remember I love you and will look in on you from time to time." David said,"But how father you are dead?" David's father said,"You already know the answer to that question."
      David's senses began to become more attuned to his surroundings. He could not see his father and never could but he knew his presence was gone. Suddenly the ocean waves became stronger and stronger. The ocean raised back collecting itself preparing for one enormous wave. David was shocked he had never seen anything like it.The crest of the wave pulling back must have been the size of a skyscraper. The water pulled back and stood still. The wave would be a tsunami if it hit the ground and everything including David would be swallowed by the ocean. The wave then crashed down sweeping away everything. David thought he would be washed away and closed his eyes before the water touched him.David then felt nothing when he reopened his eyes he was somewhere else entirely.
      David opened his eyes and as if in the blink of an eye he was somewhere far different than he had ever been before. He looked around and it was dark. He could see only slightly as if by moonlight. His surroundings where empty and David could see his body and it appeared almost transparent. Nobody was there, nothing was there. David heard a loud noise the crashing of a thunder bolt in his vicinity, the wind began to stir violently. David felt strange as if he was floating off the ground. The ground slowly moved into the distance and David found himself flying. He left the area he was in and flew toward the sky and saw a light in the distance away from the planet he was on. David followed the light for what seemed to be a long time. David soon found himself in front of a castle. David entered the castle and realized it was somewhere he had been before. Then he saw somebody he recognized. He saw his best friend from childhood named Ezekial. David had not seen Ezekial since he was 10 years old. Ezekial spoke to David saying,"Hello friend." David replied, "Ezekial what is going on?" Ezekial said,"I am here to show you something, follow me." David followed Ezekial into a street he had been to before. David saw something he had seen before a man lying in the street appearing to live there. The crowded street was full of people and a old man was laying against a building asking for help everybody who walked by. Nobody stopped and most acted as if he did not exist. Not an uncommon thing to see in a large US city. David walked closer to see the man. He realized the man was older version of himself. David said,"What is going on, Ezekial?" Ezekial replied,"This could be you in 30 years given the right circumstances." "But why?" David said. Ezekial answered," This could be you or you could be something else the future is not decided." David said,"Why are you showing me this?" Ezekial answered,"So you will be aware every choice you make determines your future.Now follow me I have something else to show you. Ezekial led David to a room in the castle and a television and said,"Watch."
      On the television David saw himself thirty years older being reported on by the news. David realized he was feeding the poor and hungry on television. He was on television speaking about how he was blessed in life and wanted to give something back. Ezekial said,"That could be you just as easily." David said,"Ezekial what are you trying to tell me?" Ezekial said,"David anything is possible and it is not all about you. You are just a person and what you saw was yourself but it is also anybody and everybody. Nobody's fate is determined you or anybody else could end up in either scenario. You where just bothered because what you saw was yourself."
       David for a moment was lost in thought. He asked Ezekial,"Why are some so blessed while others are made to suffer?" Ezekial said,"That is a good question but I have completed my task, the answers to your questions will come in time but not all can be told, some answers must be seen, others felt, and some experienced. Now I must go." David saw Ezekial walk away and slowly vanish into nothing. The walls of the castle began to collapse into sand. David was surprised at how quickly everything changed. He found himself in a hot desert with the sun radiating above expelling heat. The heat must have been over 100 degrees fahreheit, not that hot for a desert, but much hotter than David was accustomed to. No water was in sight only sand that seemed to extend forever. No sign of life was in sight either. David suddenly felt very alone and a little afraid. David wondered what comes next.
     Within the dessert the heat suddenly changed to cool and day became night. David stared into the stars as he often did and felt very small. A transparent figure emerged before him and began to speak. "David, I carry a message for you," said the being. David said,"Who are you?" The being said,"I am you, I am your subconsience you must begin to trust me." David said,"What do you mean?" David's subconsciense said,"You must wake up. Wake up.
      Suddenly David awakened and realized he had been dreaming but remembered everything in detail. David felt disturbed and began to contemplate things. His father, his friend Ezekial, and himself spoke to him. What could David take from this. He always saw people as equal and did not look down on anybody. He always believed anything is possible. As for eternity he was at a loss. After death he believed something else was out their but did not know what. Sometimes he thought he may wake up and what he thought was his reality was in fact a nightmare. He often viewed the world as a cruel, dark, place that does not show mercy. He often felt the fear of confusion, the fear of insanity. Surely nobody could understand or could they. David often looked around and thought their was a god but he left this place a long time ago. The place he lived lacked hope in his opinion.
        David got out of bed and stood on his porch watching the sun rise. The light radiated through the sky and brought a twinkle in his eye. If things where so cruel and dark how could such beauty exist David thought. David felt little pleasure in life but enjoyed learning. His formal education was not that advanced. Some college no degree but David educated himself. He read often and took interest in matters that do not concern the average american. He also enjoyed doing research on anything and everything. For a split second things made perfect sense within David's mind but quickly vanished as if it never occurred. David realized this is not the ending but instead the beginning.
      David got dressed, ate some cereal for breakfast, and drank some coffee to begin his daily routine. He left his house and got in his car to go to work. He pulled out of his drive way and drove out of his neighborhood onto the highway. He was disturbed and could not help thinking about his dream from the night before. Suddenly David heard the skidding of tires and noticed the car in front of him had come to a complete stop. David realized he had no time to stop before hitting the car and attempted to swerve around it. David's tires began to squeal and he lost control of his car. The car went off road and collided with a tree. The impact jolted David and he hit his head on the steering wheel. He was not unconscious  but was light headed out of it and a bit in shock. The lights became bright in his eyes and all he could hear was the distant sound of an ambulance. David was not experiencing pain but was drifting into the abyss. David always suspected oblivion may lie after death but was proven wrong.
         David heard a lot of noise and felt as if he where floating. The lights blended together and he could hazily see he was surrounded by people. For a moment everything stopped and David began to float toward the ceiling and found himself alone on the ocean walking on the water and he was barefoot clothed in two pieces of cloth. He saw a light and felt warm and drawn toward the light. The light appeared very far away and David could hardly believe what was happening. He felt as if he where experiencing another dream.
        Suddenly he was back in the room floating surrounded by people. He heard a voice, a sweet voice. It said,"David when will you decide what to believe. Reality is merely what your senses tell you that you see, hear, and feel. Their is much beyond that. The universe is infinite, as you know nothing is impossible, what you have experienced is a very small part of existence. You must learn to love beginning with God and yourself. Once you have learned to love your horizons will expand to much more and beyond."
       Then everything became quiet into slumber and bliss. Then David awoke to find himself in an intensive care unit within a hospital. He was covered in bandages and had a headache. A young nurse entered his room and asked David,"Do you know where you are, do you know what has happened?" David responded,"I am in a hospital and have been injured." The nurse said,"You are right you where in an accident, your heart stopped beating for 3 minutes the doctors where able to recesitate  you, you are lucky to be alive. How are you feeling?" David answered,"My head hurts and I feel weak." The nurse responded,"You are on pain medicine but I will tell your doctor, my name is Jackie let me know if you need anything." David thanked the nurse as she exited the room.
      David began to contemplate on recent events and felt grateful to be alive. David thought why is all this happening? What could this all mean? All this began to intrigue him the emotional pain and sorrow he often felt was not present. Instead a physical throbbing in the head. He felt empty and burdened by the events of the day.
      David was given medication and fell into a deep sleep. His worries and fears where relieved as he rested. He  began to dream again in a trance like state. He found himself in Russia standing before the Kremlin one man stood before him. David did not know him. The man appeared different wearing the uniform of some type of foreign military. He was clean cut and well groomed. He had a strong aryan jaw and looked a bit like David's grandfather in the face. The man spoke in unaccented american english. He said,"Hello David, I carry a message for you." David answered,"Who are you I do not know you?" The man replied,"Does it matter? Am I not what you expect? David replied,"You have the appearance of a foreigner but speak like an american. I find that strange. The man said,"Appearances can be deceiving, technology has made the world a smaller place most people are able to communicate with each other from around the globe. Although I may be different, Am I not the same?" David was perplexed by this comment. The man was right people are the same in may ways, worshipping god as they understand him, pursuing happiness. By inhabiting the same planet we are connected whether we like it or not. David realized this but had never thought about it before. David said,"What message do you carry for me?" The man replied,"You already know the answer to that question." David replied,"How do you know what I think?" The man replied,"Not all laws of the physical world apply to different states of conscienseness nor to the universe at large. Where we are I know your thoughts." David said,"But how, who are you?" The man responded,"Who I am is not important only the message I carry is." David responded,"But why is the message important?" The man replied,"Because it matters. Now I must go." The man turned around walked away and vanished into thin air. Apparently the message was things are not always as they seem. Assumptions can be dangerous. People in many ways are the same but still very different. No two people are the same. That is the way we where created. David began to wonder if he was tripping from the drugs or coming to a higher understanding of things. The things he had been told today where things he knew in his heart to be true but had neither cause nor reason to reflect on ever before. David began to wonder does everything happen for a reason?
       David awakened in his hospital bed and began to have a headache. He wondered if it was a result of thinking to much or the impact of the car accident. He felt fear realizing everything he has known in his life could vanish in an instant. Life is fragile and ultimately temporary. If so and god held him accountable how would he be judged on the day of judgement? David is human and vulnerable carrying no power in himself nor invincibility. He felt compassion but had no love. He had not done wrong intentionally nor had he been great help to others. If the life he had led was lacking good it was not intentional but ultimately he is still responsible. These thoughts troubled David greatly but he was still grateful to be alive, he still had the opportunity to change. The events of the day taught David something. His life was empty and he was the only person with the ability to change it.
     Suddenly, David began to feel great pain. His heart was beating rapidly. He was feeling light headed and drifted into darkness. Then he was attracted toward a light and day became night. Surrounded by darkness he felt fear. Lost and could not find his weigh out. Pondering the events of the day it occurred to him that it had not been pleasant in the least. David found himself in a dark scary place that was cold and damp and nothing could be seen.
     Within minutes David realized he was no longer in this world. He had heard of hell but thought it was flames. He wondered if he was their alone, cold, dark, and scared. David wondered if any hope existed for him at this point. What where his messengers telling him? That things where not as they seemed. Perhaps the entire day had been leading up to this. David did not feel he had lead a bad life but in retrospect he could have done more. How much is enough? What good must we do? David felt no love in his life only sadness and being misunderstood but he did not do bad either. David's mind became very troubled by these thoughts.
    The messengers had told him their is hope but how could not be gone. What sort of punishment could this be? David lost track of time alone with his thoughts realizing in this place time did not exist. He questioned whether he still existed and what state of being he was in.